Anonymous said: How do bi women have privilege ? All youre doing is participating in bisexual erasure
Bi women have privilege over lesbians, it is absolutely not bi erasure to point this out. I was presenting my sexuality as bi to men and others for a while, and they always sounded very relieved when they confirmed that I was bi not gay, that I was still sexually invested in men. When I said I liked girls they were like, “Oh you’re a lesbian?” and I would say no, I’m bi and they would breathe a breath of relief and say something like “Phew!.” Now when I say I’m gay I have men tell me they are disappointed, as if we were going to date or as if I owed it to them to at least give them a sliver of hope that they could be with me. They walk away from me mid sentence at parties, they tell me I’ll find the right man, they tell me it doesn’t matter, they’ll fuck me anyway.
I’m not sure if that counts as a privilege, though. I am bisexual, and men believe that because I’m not exclusively attracted to women, that must mean that I am attracted to them. One of the men who raped me did so after I told him I’m bisexual, and he said something along the lines of “I bet women can’t fuck you like I can.”
Absolutely bisexual women in relationships with men have privilege over lesbians, but I’m not sure it’s fair to say all bisexual women have privilege over lesbians all the time.
And plus, I don’t super understand why there’s a need to have these “more oppressed than you” competitions, because a lot of women who like women have similar experiences in regards to how men treat us because of our sexualities.
sister kalimagination, i am moved by integrity to respond to you. and i acknowledge that i am taking a great risk of possibly being out of my lane as a hetero woman. but because lesbians are my highest priority as a radfem i am willing to take that risk and will stand accountable for the consequences of my actions.
ok, first of all. the man who raped you should be burned alive. that is point one through 1,000 of this post. he is trash and should be burned as trash. what a sadistic monster. i am so angry at what he did to you and i hate him.
ok. here goes:
the privilege bisexual women have that lesbians do not is that bisexual women have fewer barriers to expressing their natural sexuality. because they are sexually attracted to men, bisexual women align with patriarchal entitlement to women’s sexual attention. and because of this alignment there is less resistance to bisexual heterosexual relations than there are with lesbian relations with women.
so in that sense i must disagree and assert that yes. bisexual women do have privilege over lesbians. all lesbians. all the time.
and pointing this out to establish a clear understanding of the mechanisms of male violence towards women is essential to being a radical feminist. because radical feminism is about the COLLECTIVE liberation movement to free ALL WOMEN from male violence. so it is critical that each of us endeavors to understand the lived experiences of her sisters. because all women suffer under male supremacy, though we might be targeted differently because of our race, class, sexuality, abilities, etc.
and if we don’t actively seek to understand through compassion and honesty, we are more vulnerable to male violence and less powerful as a collective liberation movement.
so it’s not about “oppression olympics”. it’s about listening to your sisters and taking them at their word. even when that’s uncomfortable. which, it often is if we’re doing it right.
thank you kindly for the chance to address you so plainly. i really appreciate engaging in this discussion with you and am grateful for the chance to speak.
you think adding a disclaimer to this makes it okay to speak over lgbtq women as though you know what you’re talking about? would you accept that from a man speaking on feminist issues, because i sure as hell wouldn’t.
don’t you dare use lesbians as an excuse to stomp on bi women. don’t you fucking dare. you have no idea of the tensions in our community, of the toxicity we so often shamefully aim towards one another instead of back at straight people. lesbians do not have privilege over bi women, we have different experiences sometimes and similar experiences much of the time and our complex relationship cannot be separated into a privilege/oppression dynamic especially not by our oppressors, aka you.
don’t you DARE pretend you’re doing this for us as lesbian women instead of for your ego as a str8 women.
(i apologise to all the bi women following me for putting this on your dash)
I’m freaking out a lot right now and really upset- Apparently 3 years ago I enrolled in being able to overdraft my bank account and that was a cool idea when I didn’t have money problems but it’s biting me in the ass right now and my bank isn’t helping.
Basically they didn’t notify me when I overdrew so I kept overdrawing while trying to move from my old apartment to this one so I incurred a bunch of fees and I literally have no money. I cannot pay it off and they do not care. They have already taken $702 before I could shut it down and I can eat some of that but I can’t eat the last $400 or so of fees.
I don’t know what to do but I can’t just leave, I have money tied up in this bank that I can’t access and I can’t just cut and run right now- I have to make it til September before I can fix this fucking mess- so please, if you have anything you can give me I would really appreciate it.
I know paypal donations take time but I can’t use my card anymore so I can’t incur more fees- I have 10 days from this post to avoid getting another $135 or so slapped on me so please.
If you’d prefer to get something in return you can support me on Patreon
I’ve asked for help before for my partners and I’ve always kicked money around when I’ve had it, I really don’t want to ask and I absolutely wouldn’t if I had any options at all but I’m really desperate.
Thank you for reading- and helping,
Duke University Press has around 1,600 of their academic titles available to read online FOR FREE on eDuke Books. You can search by title, author and/or subject! Here is their general list of subjects.
This is a fantastic option for students who need textbooks, research material(s), or individual chapters for various projects but who may not want to cart a ton of books around, need an iPad or browser-friendly format, don’t want to buy books for an intense markup only to get a few bucks back at the end of the semester—or, if you’re not a student but are interested in theory and such (hi).
eDuke also adds new books sometimes, so keep checking back.